There is a shortage of truly fashionable people at Ramaz. Undeniably fabulous people are hard to come by. (Luckily, I never have that problem, I can just go to a mirror). However, we are privileged to have some pretty glamorous male teachers that I have taken upon myself to rank because clearly I am the pinnacle of high fashion. If you don’t like my opinions, your opinions about them are wrong. Accept it.
#1 – Mr. Deutsch:
Mr. Deutsch has no rival; no mere mortal can even come close to competing with this grandiose gentleman in the art of the dress. He is an icon, he is a legend, he is the moment. And he probably would rock a dress too. His exuberant attire is better than the most flamboyant wear of Henry the Eighth and Queen Elizabeth the First combined. And even in stature and regality, Mr. Deutsch is grander than them by far. No outfit of Mr. Deutsch’s is complete without at least one of his magnificent accessories. His hats, his shoes, his jewelry, oh my! The world is his runway and he always lets us know it. Our sassy fifth floor fashionista’s amazing accessory arsenal includes, but is not limited to, his skeleton shoes, his fabulicious fedora, his beautiful fez, and his spectacularly large pinky ring. Even though there is a tight competition about who wears fedoras better (the other participants are not aware of this competition), I must say, Mr. Deutsch beats me and my sparkly pink hat, Rabbi Bodner, and Michael Jackson by a landslide (or by a moonwalk).
#2- Dr. Rotenberg:
Even though this man is not as extravagant as our first place winner, one cannot deny: Rotenberg’s got style. When it comes to perfect outfit coordination, this man is in his element. His outfits are never Bohr-ing, and his number of different color combos appears to be endless. Our chaotic chemistry queen’s dedication to meticulously put together ensembles is truly admirable. His vast collection of ties hanging in his office makes it clear that he takes matching very seriously (I counted 16 last time I was there).
Every piece of clothing Roty has on fits together better than even the strongest covalent bonds. They have great chemistry. And no outfit of his is ever complete without his large belt, practically the size of a WWE Championship Title. At this point, dear reader, you might have a few questions like “How long did it take for Roty to perfect this art?”, “How can I achieve ultimate outfit matching skills too?”, “What did I get on my last Chem quiz?”, “Why do her chemistry puns suck?” Alas reader, I wish I could provide you with some answers, but we may never know. However, I do know two things:
- Everyone that does not need to ask the third question, you are very lucky indeed.
- If you do not see me for a few days after this article is published, I’m dead and you should blame Doc. It probably won’t be his fault, but still blame him.
#3- Rabbi Bodner:
Coming in the coveted position of third place is our lovable Mashgiach, Rabbi Aviad Bodner. Rabbi Bodner is almost never seen without a fedora atop his “six-foot tall and broad shouldered” (Jewrotica) frame, which makes him fashionable IMHO (in my honest opinion).
I’m a hat person. I like hats. Deal with it. Even though it isn’t as fabulous as Mr. Deutsch’s, it’s still a fedora and must be treated with the proper respect. There is nothing else particularly remarkable about the way Rabbi Bodner dresses: his skirt isn’t too short, his top isn’t too low cut, and his shoulders are never showing, he is always in proper dress code. There is only one word I can use to describe his style: spiffy. He is a very spiffy fellow. His “striking figure” (Jewrotica) may seem intimidating to some students (He’s kind of scary, ok?), but deep down I’m sure he’s a big softie. Deeeeep down. Now back to the hats: fedoras are great, but I think our Mashgiach should expand his headwear collection. Perhaps he should add a fascinator, or a top hat, or a cowboy hat, or a bucket hat, or maybe even a sombrero! Or if he’s really stuck on fedoras, perhaps he should consider getting a glittery raspberry pink one, so he can twin with yours truly. How epic would that be?
Honorable Mentions:
Mr. Kuman – Mr. Kuman gets an Honorable Mention because he wore his airplane shirt on the plane to Israel last year. I respected that immensely.
Dr. Aaron Roxanne Tugendhaft – Dr. Aaron Roxanne Tugendhaft gets an Honorable Mention because he has a really nice coat and awesome sweater vests. Also, he has Harry Potter glasses.
Rabbi Klotz – Rabbi Klotz gets an Honorable Mention because he looks like he still gets his clothes from the children’s section. Also, he’s my favorite classmate in Ancient Greek. Sorry Dr. Rotenberg.
Mr. Raven-Chabin – He’s not a teacher so he shouldn’t be on this list, but Mr. Raven-Chabin’s phenomenal style deserves recognition.
