Per what the inimitable Charlotte Kleeger (and I’m not just saying this because she’s one of the many editors that needs to approve this article, I truly mean it from the bottom of my lungs) reported in her February 2023 Rampage article, Ramaz began its search for a new principal in September 2021. It searched tirelessly, high and low, day and night, “with the help of a 12-member Search Advisory Committee, a senior management team, and a range of national and international job postings, networking, and a nationally recognized educational search firm.” Clearly our humble institution spared no expense in its quest to find a worthy being to guide it along the Derech. Clearly. But that path hath not always been easy, dear reader. For you see, we have had some struggles along the way. For the path of true principalness does not always run smooth. But fear not! We have survived the Fascist Five and triumphed over the Terrible Two. And now, at long last, we have fulfilled Head of School, Mr. Jonathan Cannon’s prophecy. It was on February 7th, 2022, that Mr. Cannon prognosticated (I’m not pretentious, I just never have an opportunity to use this word) that “we will identify an exceptional leader for the Upper School.”
And dear reader, from the moment we all felt Rabbi Aaron Frank take his first steps across the East River on his journey to us, we knew the Cannon Prophecy had been fulfilled: our savior hath cometh. When he entered the building on that chilly December morn, it was like time had stopped. Everyone began flocking, flanking the one who will take us out of the brink into better and brighter futures. In other words, everyone went completely bananas. Homerooms and lunch periods were skipped, classes forgotten, all to greet this mysterious, kind, and charismatic messiah. I half expected to see stickers like the ones Chabadniks stick on light poles, but with Rabbi Frank’s face on it, plastered all around the hallways. It seemed like everywhere one could turn, there he was – floating through the corridors, lending an ear and a hand to all our problems. After all, he is a “very big believer in the phrase, ‘If you want to walk fast, walk alone; if you want to walk far, walk together.’” (I don’t know if this applies to when he walks on water too, someone should go with him one time and find out.)
After spending the last couple years without a principal, I don’t think anyone expected Ramaz to be able to handle the messiah it ended up with, but hallelujah – we rose to the occasion. Students have never been happier to have a single person to complain to. The line to Rabbi Frank’s office has been so long it has been curling into Ms. Newman’s room! Ms. Newman has also taken issue with this and has been forced to stand in it as well, in order to complain. When asked about Rabbi Frank, several students were eager to share their thoughts and opinions:
“I heard his hair is insured for ten thousand dollars.”
“I heard he did car commercials. In Japan.”
“I heard he can turn water into wine so that’s why he always has a metal bottle in his office”
“One time he punched Rabbi Schiowitz in the face…
…it was awesome.”
No one has had anything bad to say about Rabbi Aaron Frank thus far – they are all thoroughly convinced of his mission, to reunify all the grades and initiate the “rebuilding” of the 3rd floor lounge, and capabilities. (Yes, he did work at SAR for a little bit, but even messiahs can make mistakes. He probably left because he realized SAR was not worth saving.) Anyway, that’s all for this article, folks! And now that I’m done, I’m gonna eat my dinner. For some reason there has been a major increase in red cows, so steak night!
